Calming the Nervous System After Trauma

Dear Echo Breaker,

When I first left my abusive relationship, I thought freedom alone would bring peace. Instead, my body felt like it was still in the relationship—heart racing, breath shallow, stomach in knots. I couldn’t sleep, I startled at small noises, and I felt constantly on edge.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not “broken.” This is your nervous system stuck in survival mode after trauma. The good news is: you can teach your body safety again.

Why trauma Hijacks the Nervous System

Narcissistic abuse is not just emotional—it’s physiological. Years of walking on eggshells keep the nervous system locked in fight, flight, or freeze.

• Fight: Anger, irritability, snapping easily.

• Flight: Restlessness, anxiety, overworking, constant doing.

• Freeze: Numbness, disconnection, zoning out, exhaustion.

Even after the abuse ends, your body remembers. That’s why calming your nervous system is not just self-care—it’s survival care.

Everyday Practices to Regulate Your Nervous System

The goal isn’t to erase all stress. It’s to give your nervous system tools to reset, so you can live from peace instead of panic.

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

When you feel spiraling panic, come back to the present through your senses.

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

This anchors your body in the now and signals safety to your brain.

2. Breathing as a Reset Button

Shallow breathing tells your body you’re in danger. Deep, slow breaths signal safety.

✨ Try “box breathing”: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat 4 times.

3. Gentle Movement

Stored trauma lives in the body. Gentle movements like yoga, stretching, or walking remind your nervous system that it can release tension safely.

✨ 5 minutes of slow stretches in the morning can shift your entire day.

4. Safe Touch & Comfort

Something as simple as placing your hand over your heart, hugging yourself, or wrapping in a weighted blanket can calm your body.

✨ Self-soothing is not childish. It’s medicine for the nervous system.

5. Micro-Moments of Joy

Your body heals through small doses of safety and joy. A warm cup of tea, sunlight on your skin, or your favorite song can be enough to reset the nervous system.

✨ Practice asking: “What feels good to my body right now?”

Journal Prompt for You

“What small practice helps me feel safe in my body? How can I give myself that gift today?”

Why This Matters

Healing after narcissistic abuse isn’t just about changing your thoughts—it’s about retraining your nervous system to trust that you’re safe now.

When you give your body these calming practices, you’re saying:

✨ “The danger is over. I am safe. I am home within myself.”

This is how freedom feels—not just in your head, but in your whole body.

If this resonated, you’re not alone — reach out to explore coaching with me.

Dr. James